We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
