I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
