its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
