I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
