Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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