there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
