$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
