The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
