And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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