I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
