I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
