ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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