I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
