i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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