So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
