I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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