felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
