Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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