We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
