you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
