just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
