how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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