Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
