I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
