i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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