Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
