i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
