I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Where is the hickey?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
