I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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