im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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