yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
