what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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