Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
