I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
