she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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