Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
