The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
