If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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