I am in a vortex of obligation.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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