You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
