Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
