whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
