Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
