I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
