There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
