Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
