Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
