nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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