i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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