let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just forgot I was standing up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
