We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
