The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
