my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we're making bets on your personal life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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