Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
