Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
