I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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