1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
