it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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