I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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