Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
