he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Someone came in the potted fern
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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