Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
