literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
