So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
