There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
