Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
