I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
